A hundred and one questions on a five-scale rating to reveal your soul mate. How cleanly do you consider yourself? Three. How important is religion in your life? One. Do you like to make people laugh?
I can hear a few of them laughing in the coffee shop. Fellow caffeine addicts gossiping about my severance from their social clique.
‘No FaceSpace?’ Chirp, chirp. ‘…hates people?’ Chirp, chirp.
The computer asks me if I enjoy social situations, or if I consider myself more of an introvert. Five for social butterfly. One for wallflower.
I type: ‘depends on how much I’ve had to drink,’ except it doesn’t show up anywhere on screen. There’s no space for a sense of humor.
Three, I select.
Then, ‘how important is health to you?’
Halfway through page six of 16 I realize there aren’t any questions on physical appearance. Just my level of outdoorsmanship. How often I exercise and how ‘frugal’ I consider myself.
“What's ‘frugal’?” I wonder aloud. Opening another window on my monitor, I type - f∙r∙u∙g∙a∙l- into a little white box and up sprouts 1,457,301,002 related links.
Biting into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich I had bought pre-packaged from the counter, I forget about my test and all the nosy people.
To heck with online dating through FaceSpace.
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